Toxic Behind This Smile
by ForIAmToBe
Summary: Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe this is just how things are. Why should I keep searching for answers, when I already know there will be no answer to them? This is how it is. This is how it should be. This is how I should be. Warnings: Abuse, Rape, Incest, Slash, Lemon, Torture, SelfHarm, NonCon, AU, Some OOC'ness. AllHuman.


**© ForIAmToBe 2014**

**Warnings: **Abuse, Rape, Incest, Slash, Lemon, Torture, SelfHarm, NonCon, AU, Some OOC'ness. AllHuman

**Pairings:**

**Summary:** Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe this is just how things are. Why should I keep searching for answers, when I already know there will be no answer to them? This is how it is. This is how it _should_ be. This is how_ I_ should be.

**Background information about the story:** It is AllHuman, no such thing as vampires in this story. Bella has an identity crisis going on. I called Edward's father 'Ernesto' because it is very annoying that Edward and his father share the same name.

**EPOV**

It was when I woke up on a holiday that I really noticed how much of a pathetic life I had. These time of the year meant happiness and joy to others. Waking up free of stress and owning your own schedule, it was all so close to perfect. If only imperfections were not displayed as well, that would make it a lot easier enjoying the holidays.

Today was one of those days. I woke up with a sting in my left arm, which made me curious how much blood I had lost this time. I slowly but painfully left the warm shelter of my blankets and removed them to reveal the result of tonight.

It was rather beautiful, the amount of blood lubricated on my sheets. How I loved the sight of the dirt that left my veins in such a short time. Not only was there blood on my sheets, but also it was smeared across my left wrist.

I must have been twisting in my sleep, as my shirt was filled with red stains. 'Fuck', I thought as I realised what this meant. I had to wash it out before he would find out. Not that he would care about my self-injury. He just didn't like the fact I fucked up yet another shirt.

Even though we weren't a poor family, he forced me to wear clothes as long as possible before the fabric of the clothing would fade away. Not that I cared, at all. I didn't worry about my looks at all. It didn't make any sense to hope someone as disgusting as me would make his already death appearance look better.

As I removed my underwear to reveal my hips, I could no longer control myself. The sight in the mirror was too revealing. A huge bruise was covering almost the entire left part of my body. Starting at my upper leg, all the way up to my chest. It must have happened when I fell from the stairs yesterday. That was when I remembered it.

_It was freezing in the basement. A window that could not be closed anymore (since the glass was lacking) let through the sharp and cold air. It tore right into my skin, leaving an unsatisfying feeling every time the air escaped my pores again._

_I was standing there, in the middle of the basement, not knowing what to do. I was meant to clean the glass that was spread across the floor. Some losers from my school probably followed me again to molest my father's house. They were doing this to torture me, for being a gross human being._

_I did not mind about the glass missing in the window. It only bothered me that I was the one who had to clean the mess. I shivered and almost stumbled when I heard my father call for me._

"_After you are done, I want you to come to my office room and we'll have a little chat", my father said, smiling coldly. There was something cruel behind the smile. It send an odd feeling through my spine. _

_I was standing there, feeling trapped in the moment, looking up at the man with my eyes open widely. He must have noticed me being uncomfortable, because his grin got replaced by a chuckle and then his usual emotionless face. He gestured with his finger to come over and so I did._

_I didn't bother to mention the glass that was still not fully picked up from the ground, hoping he would forget. I just walked up the stairs so I would reach my father so he would be satisfied and hopefully leave me alone for the rest of the day._

_As I reached the last step, my father hugged me tightly and rubbed circles in on my back. He started petting my hair. I had no clue what was going on. I just kept my look on the wall behind him, not wanting to destroy this harmless moment. But I knew better than this. This was not what was happening. This is not how things should be... It didn't feel right._

_I gave my father a pleading look and he lowered his hand towards my hips, greedy hands clawing for my meat. This was more like it. This was the routine. _

_After my father realised we were still standing on the stairs, he stepped behind so I could also stand on the floor. I did as I was told and was rewarded with a kiss on the lips. Well it wasn't actually a good thing, but at least it showed I had done something positive instead of always screwing up. This gave me a satisfied feeling._

"_Screw it, forget what I said about coming to my office , I want you now... I need you so badly... Eddie"._

_I returned the kiss, wanting to show how much I appreciated the moment. How glad I was he still cared about me. He still wanted me..._

_After all these years, I still turned him on. He still enjoyed touching me, still the same lust in his eyes. I would turn 17 in two days from now. It worried me that I would become too old and used at time._

_But of course I had to be so stupid to break the kiss caused by lack of air. I could feel the hands on my hips leaving their place as they were now on my shoulders, shaking me violently._

"_God- damnet you stupid fucking whore..."._

_It left me in silence. I knew I shouldn't have pulled out of the kiss, but I just couldn't get air otherwise. I felt like my father was about to hurt me, so I quickly seduced him by rubbing my chest and looking at him with a fake smile. As if I returned his hungry mood._

_When his fist connected with my cheek, I was send backwards, falling down the stairs. When I was all the way down, I started screaming out loud. I gasped for air and wouldn't stop yelling out of the intense pain that burned all over my body. My right leg felt like it was disconnected, broken, shattered. Just before my vision became vague, I saw my father coming towards me, not a single emotion plastering on his face._

I felt a tear making its way down my face as I came back to this surreal world. I had screwed things up yesterday. It didn't happen as planned. It wasn't that hard just to pick up some glass and return a kiss. Still I was able to screw it up.

I put on a long sleeved grey shirt with a V- neck. It covered my wrists but the bruise on my neck remained visible. So I put on a woollen scarf, all the way round my neck.

After packing my bag and making coffee for my dad, I left the house, on my way to the forest to set my mind free.

**So what do you think? Tips are welcome. I really hope someone is going to appreciate this story so I can go on writing. Review please. With no reviews, I won't update xP**


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